DHHS Writing Course - Writing Clearly, Gobbledygook to Simplicity

Writing learly

How-To Section

Back to Basics!
From Gobbledygook to Simplicity

Do we need to write long complicated sentences with big words to impress our readers? Or do most readers just want us to get to the point?

As we discussed in the style lesson, it really is best to write in plain English rather than gobbledygook! Here is the quote cited in the lesson from a federal web site called The Plain English Handbook written for the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC):

"A plain English document uses words economically and at a level the audience can understand. Its sentence structure is tight. Its tone is welcoming and direct. Its design is visually appealing. A plain English document is easy to read and looks like it's meant to be read."

If you have not already done so, raise your right hand and take the "Pledge for Plain English":

Pledge for Plain English

I pledge to write in plain English to help my reader understand what I write with a minimum amount of pain and agony!

Here is a letter written in typical government gobbledygook. Read through it and then click below to read a plain English version of the same letter. (Hint: You have seen the plain English version if you completed the lesson on Mind Mapping.)

Gobbledygook Letter

Thanks are in order for the fact that this fiscal year was a commendatory one for the department. During the preceding fiscal year, the department was appropriated the second largest revenue increase in recent history. Furthermore, it was demonstrated to the citizens of this state that supplementary and elevated quality services could be delivered through the additional programs that were part of the previously mandated legislative initiative. There were new programs implemented that provided prominent visibility as well as serving the purpose of assisting the populace in numerous programmatic needs.

It is with gratification that I report to our departmental staff that the public at large as well as our elected officials are accordingly beginning to take notice of and unequivocally acknowledge public employee efforts for which we are proud and appreciative.

Show Me the Plain English Version

Thank you for a great year.This was a banner year for our agency and you made a difference.

Last year we received the second largest increase in revenues in recent history. In turn, we showed the people of our state that we could give more and better services to those who need our help.

We started new programs that not only help people, but also give us greater visibility. I am happy to say that the public and the legislature are beginning to notice your efforts.

Thanks again and keep up the good work.

Which version would you rather read?

Text Only Version

The gobbledygook letter above is full of wordy phrases and big words! The offending words appear in red and the offending phrases appear in green below (or go to text only version if you can't see the colors):

Gobbledygook Revealed

Thanks are in order for the fact that this fiscal year was a commendatory one for the department. During the preceding fiscal year, the department was appropriated the second largest revenue increase in recent history. Furthermore, it was demonstrated to the citizens of this state that supplementary and elevated quality services could be delivered through the additional programs that were part of the previously mandated legislative initiative. There were new programs implemented that provided prominent visibility as well as serving the purpose of assisting the populace in numerous programmatic needs.

Note: There are 42 words in the last sentence!

Click on the continue button below to go on and start stamping out gobbledygook words and phrases!


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